Chronically Pissed

Sotomayor

I must admit that I have not been watching the hearings. I check the highlights. Several things have become clear. Lindsey Graham is a fucking douchbag of epic proportions. Jeff Sessions is a fucking bigot of epic proportions. John Kyl is fucking douchebag of epic proportions. And Sotomayor is going out of her way to appease their white, male sensitivities.

Republicans are trying to exploit the gap between Sotomayor and the hypothetical "most qualified candidate." There is no such candidate. There are no metrics to determine who that would be - and if there were, he or she would likely be extremely old, owing to their many, many years on the bench. So they are free to insinuate that Sotomayor is obviously not that candidate, in which case she could only have been chosen for one reason: She is a Latino. And if she was chosen solely for her ethnic qualifications, she must be an militant advocate for her people. And anything she's ever said about her heritage is evidence of that.

I almost - ALMOST - feel sorry for these ridiculous caricatures of entitlement and privilege. These men, along with many of their constituents, can't comprehend that our nation's past and present treatment of people who are not rich, white, male, Christians may be relevant to anything today - hence the attempted demonization of empathy. Empathic is a code word, as far as they are concerned, for "possibly able to consider how the experience of minorities in America fits into a broad, historical context and how that might be material to the modern interpretation of a document that was written by slaveholders (and impregnators)."

So what if her heritage played a role in her selection? High offices have always carried with them the weight of symbolism. Symbolism is important. It would be hard to argue that Barack Obama's race was not a factor in his ascent, symbolizing drastic change. George W. Bush was a symbol for the profoundly common man, proof that literally anyone could become President of the United States. No one accused Bush of choosing Harriet Miers because she was white. They accused him of choosing someone manifestly unqualified for the position. You seldom hear conservatives bitching about George H.W. Bush's selection of the self-loathing, hateful, and dim-witted Clarence Thomas for what could only have been symbolic purposes. 

It simply does not follow that consideration of her race makes her any less qualified. It just means that on top of her judicial qualifications, she also happens to help broaden the demographic spectrum of the court. Is there anything so terribly wrong with striving for a court that is representative of our people?

Miraculously Unmiraculous

From MSNBC.com:

'Miracle' Girls Heart Heals Itself

British doctors designed a radical solution to save a girl with major heart problems in 1995: They implanted a donor heart directly onto her own failing heart.

After 10 years with two blood-pumping organs, Hannah Clark's faulty one did what many experts had thought impossible: It healed itself enough so that doctors could remove the donated heart.

But she also had a price to pay. The drugs Clark took to prevent her body from rejecting the donated heart led to malignant cancer that required chemotherapy.

From the Oxford American Dictionary:

mir-a-cle
noun
a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency : the miracle of rising from the grave

Yes, there are two additional definitions which take into account that the word is now applied to less profound circumstances than bodily resurrection, but I'm not sure we've evolved enough as a people to reliably distinguish between the two. Many people see that headline and think "See...Jesus does perform miracles!" 

Given this ambiguity, I wish news outlets would stop applying that word to situations in which highly skilled professionals bring all of their experience and talents to bear in extraordinary ways, inevitably aided by deep scientific learning. If a homeless man had performed this procedure, it could rightly be dubbed a miracle. If the "miracle girl's" heart had actually healed itself without major intervention by medical personnel, she might indeed be a miracle girl.

What actually happened here was that some very smart doctors tried something radical and new on a patient who would otherwise be experiencing the miracle of bodily disintegration beneath six feet of earth. And then she got cancer and almost died when her body rejected the donor heart, except that the new procedure seems to have unlocked the secret to the heart's regenerative powers - powers that we've apparently long known the zebra fish to possess, according to this 2006 article from Scientific American. I suspect - and this comes from a man with no medical training whatsoever - that the miracle girl's doctors had been searching for a way to "get mammalian progenitor cells to behave more like zebra fish cells," by "introducing growth factors and activating the receptors on epicardial cells." 

Or maybe it was a miracle.

A Lesson in Airport Baggage Carousel Etiquette

A Lesson in Airport Baggage Carousel Etiquette:

First of all, you are not the only person who wants to collect your bags quickly and get the hell home, to the bar, or to your Argentine mistress. Everyone has somewhere to be, whether its an important meeting or a date with internet porn and a tube of Jergens. Fortunately for all of us, the airport baggage carousel is brilliantly designed in such a way that courtesy and common-sense are not mutually exclusive with your objective of exiting the airport in a timely fashion (assuming your bags are not lost). 

The current modus operandi apparently dictates that everyone should descend upon the carousel as if it were the last virgin in a whorehouse, shoulder-to-shoulder, toes touching the metal, bent over at varying degrees, waiting to snatch your bag (or bag your snatch, in the case of the virgin), swing it painfully into the crotch of the person waiting next to you, and then jostling through the three-deep crowd that wasn't fortunate enough to get a first row position, displaying a not-so-subtle smirk as you flee the scene.

This could all be avoided if everyone would take advantage of the ample space that has been provided around the baggage carousel, leaving approximately 8-10 feet between yourself and the passing luggage. Due to the laws of geometry, the circumference of that rounded formation will grow as the surrounding baggage-seekers back away from it, allowing more of them a position from which to inspect the passing valises. When you spot yours, calmly step up to the carousel, check the tag, luxuriate in the wide expanse you will have in which to remove your bag, place it on the floor, and wheel it to an exit point in the crowd. 

Thank you.

Meet the Press 7/12/09

Watching McCain on Meet the Press. Coupla' thoughts...

McCain says torture is wrong, "should never have happened," he was an "outspoken critic" of waterboarding, yada, yada, yada...but that there is nothing to be gained from AG Holder appointing a prosecutor to investigate related crimes by the Bush White House. He "agrees with the President of the United States that we should look forward, not back," that doing so would further harm America's image in the world, that accountability has been achieved because damage has been done to people's reputations. 

Okay...that's cool. So, I assume Senator McCain will henceforth accept that precedent with regards to crimes of all sorts. From now on, when someone is accused of murder, rape, theft, genocide, or child molestation, we can all just be happy that their reputation was harmed and move forward without the trouble and further pain that would be caused by a trial. Right? No need to think about deterrence or justice. Let's just close the book and move on. Senator McCain's position should help empty our prisons rapidly. Maybe we could pay for healthcare with the savings?

With regards to Palin's resignation, McCain says he has "never seen a sustained, personal, family attacks that were made on Sarah Palin and her family in, in, in, in my life." He goes on to whine about the "media establishment attacks" on her. Let's set aside, for the moment, the fact that the Clintons might take issue with the assertion that Sarah Palin was the victim of "the most sustained personal attacks...in recent American political history," as McCain complained. (Frank Rich has more to say about that.) Could it be - could it POSSIBLY be - that Palin was a victim of media attacks because she was a supremely unqualified and dangerously ignorant candidate? Would you complain about media attacks if Andy Dick was running for office? No...you'd consider them a justified attempt to inform the public about the dangers of electing him. Stop bitching.

Not News

Can someone please tell me why the fuck this piece of garbage was one of the top stories on my iPhone's CNN app today:

PSYCHICS SEE MAGIC IN MICHAEL JACKSON'S LIFE

When Glynis McCants looks at Michael Jackson's life, she sees the number five.

Jackson's talent was discovered when he was 5 years old, he came to fame as a member of the Jackson 5 and he planned a series of 50 concert dates in London, England, as part of a comeback tour before he died on June 25 at the age of 50.

For McCants, a noted numerologist and author, those facts are very telling: "Five is the number for drama, and it was in his life his whole life."

Numerology deals with the influence of numbers on personal characteristics and human affairs.

This is not news people. This provides nothing but the mistaken impression that psychics are anything other than worthless con artists and fat know-nothings (see photo). The fact that these ridiculous clowns continue to hold sway over anyone is yet another tribute to our collective massive intellectual retardation. This article contains not one iota of skepticism about the claims of these hacks, about the absolute meaninglessness of their hocus-pocus bullshit, or about why Glynis McCants can divine all sorts of information from a random assortment of numbers in Michael Jackson's life but can't get her fat ass on a goddamned treadmill. 

The fact that CNN is "reporting" this, that they are treating it as some sort of "news," is an insult to the concept of knowledge itself. These are not experts in any field except the imaginary ones they created for themselves. 

When you've exhausted all of the brilliant doctors, therapists, musicologists, sociologists, dermatologists, choreographers, historians, and plastic surgeons you can find to comment on Michael Jackson, give up and move on to the next story. Don't shovel this shit down our throats. You are just lending credence to their chicanery and failing at your purported mission. You want to be "the most trusted name in news?" Then just give us the fucking news.

MJ

I fully intended to weave Michael Jackson's death into a piece I've intended to write for a long time - about our failure as a society to fully absorb all that has been learned about mental illness and incorporate it into our understanding of our fellow human beings. For whatever reason, I'm not quite ready to write that yet, so it will have to suffice to say that I am deeply saddened not so much by MJ's death as by the factors that make his premature demise seem inevitable. Looking back at the tortured arc of his career, at the abuse and negligence of his family and friends over fifty years, and at the unbearable weight of stardom on this fragile soul - it's a wonder he made it this far.

Michael Jackson was clearly a psychotic individual - and I mean that in the medical sense, not in the derogatory way that is so often carelessly and ignorantly applied to people we don't understand. He was emotionally, sexually, and psychologically divorced from reality while stardom prevented, if not discouraged, meaningful counsel and care from reaching him. He was worshipped by those who appreciated his artistic contribution to the world, with little regard for what lie beneath. He was labeled a "freak" by those who did not. He was protected and his behavior was reinforced by those who had access to him.

As for the allegations of child abuse: We'll probably never know if Michael Jackson molested children. I'm inclined to think some very bad people used their own children to take advantage of the man. If it did happen, I'm comfortable placing a significant portion of the blame on any parent who saw fit to let their child spend the night with a man as sick as Michael Jackson. Again, medically sick...not disgusting or evil.

In the end, it literally doesn't matter whether Michael Jackson was black or white, man or woman, adult or child. All I need to know about Michael Jackson can be heard in "I'll Be There," "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," and "Man in the Mirror," (my three personal favorites): The purity, the genius, the individuality, and the physical manifestation of an era and a genre in one person. Perhaps we missed out on a great comeback and another burst of genius, but I think Michael is probably better off missing out on another round of fame, ridicule, wealth, abuse, adulation, and exploitation.

Rest in Peace, Michael. Rest in peace.

7/6/09

A few miscellaneous thoughts today...

Republicans - If I hear you warn Americans about the tyranny of the Democratic supermajority again, I'm going to laugh again. You're out there crying wolf, warning the American people that Republicans won't be able to stop liberal legislation, but you're forgetting that this was not accomplish by coup, but rather because the American people CHOSE it. Your decline into nearly total irrelevance and impotence was not an accident. Here's what happened: 

• You were in charge. 
• You sucked at your jobs. 
• You drove America to its knees (literally in the cases of Ensign and Sanford). 
• Americans decided they'd had enough.
• Elections took place. 
• Democrats are in charge.

So while you think this is a "problem," the rest of us think this is pretty fucking sweet. Oh, sure...the teabaggers are all upset about some things that apparently just started to bug them around January 21st of this year, but most Americans seem to be generally a-okay with the fact that you're not allowed to break shit anymore. Have the Democrats fixed the world in the five months since you got done treating it like Bernie Madoff's rectum in the shower at Rikers? No...they haven't. And I'm sure you feel like geniuses pointing that out, but you also look like total douchebags. You got yourselves - and all of us - into this clusterfuck, so we don't want to hear you bitching and moaning. "The Democrats won't listen to our ideaaaaas!" :( Fuck you. Your ideas suck more dick than Larry Craig and Mark Foley combined. When you're ready to act like grownups, maybe we can all have a big congressional circle jerk and start to work our way back to a more balanced, two-party system. Until then, bend over assholes.

Sarah Palin - You will never be President of the United States. I promise you that. I don't care what the reasons were for your bizarre little press conference. Perhaps it's some sort of super secret Eskimo political trick or maybe - fingers crossed - you're dying of an extremely slow and painful form of twat disease that can only be contracted during sex with a man who has fucked a moose and are too embarrassed to admit it. But if any part of your being harbors any illusion that you will one day be handed the keys to the oval office, let me repeat myself: You will NEVER be President of the United States. You are an arrogant, insane, and incredibly stupid woman and I firmly believe that We, the People, have learned our lesson with regards to electing arrogant, insane, and incredibly stupid people to that office. Perhaps our collective short-term memory will allow Trig to run one day in the distant future, but you certainly won't be around to see us forget George W. Bush, thanks to the miracle of life expectancy. So have fun running around the continental U.S. feeling like a superstar in the backwater regions of Georgia, South Carolina, Kentucky, and Alabama. Yes...they love you down there. They love you, the confederate flag, guns, trucks, and cousin-fuckin'. Such classy company you keep. The rest of us are through with you.