A Letter To The Minority Party

Here’s what's up, douchebags…

Between 1994 and 2008 – the last 14 years – you controlled the U.S. House of Representatives for 12 years, the U.S. Senate for 10 years, and the White House for eight years.

As affirmed by the elections of 2006 and 2008, Americans have reached the conclusion that your reign of power was a failure, that you are very good at marketing and miserable at governing, that a continuation of your incumbency would further deteriorate the badly mangled condition we find ourselves in at the denouement of your tenure.

Americans seem to be aware that incompetence was not the only problem. They understand that your ideology, your vision for this country, is just plain wrong. All the highfalutin’ talk about free markets and spreading democracy has not worked out well for most of us – and your obsession with sexual morality just seems anachronistically silly at this point.

So…it’s time to sit down, shut the fuck up, and let the grown-ups try to clean up your mess – your stinking, shitty fucking mess. Now maybe you misunderstood President Obama’s call for bi-partisanship. What President Obama meant is that the Democrats, under the leadership of President Obama, won’t mouth fuck you with their large majorities IF you’ll accept your electoral punishment – like the little bitches you are – with an ounce of dignity. You don’t get to keep your toys. You don’t get to keep humping America’s ass with your failed ideas. You get to sit politely in the corner and try not to piss all the goddamned rug.

You don’t like President Obama’s stimulus package? President Obama’s package is too big for you? Too fucking bad, assholes. You will take it and you will like it. Your economic policies created the need for these drastic measures, so no one really gives a flying fuck what you like and what you don’t like. You know what we like? We like not being in this fucking recession you assholes created by deregulating everything in sight so that a bunch of rich fucking assholes could get richer. (Maybe if you’d tried regulating the number of cocks Larry Craig was allowed to suck, or the number of hookers David Vitter was allowed to fuck, you’d have learned the joy and value of regulation.)

So when non-President McCain says he won’t vote for the stimulus bill as it stands, I just remind myself that John McCain and his little sidecunt lost the election. When Minority Leader McConnell and Minority Whip Cantor walk their frighteningly immobile faces up to the microphone to bitch and moan about the Republicans’ concerns, I think to myself…fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Shut the fuck up. Lick my sweaty taint. You are UGLY. Ugly and stupid and wrong. You are losers. Do your wives make you wear President Obama masks when you’re fucking them?

Sorry, but I really can’t stand to watch you attempt to derail the first serious-minded attempt to save this country from the disaster you created. It’s like when there’s a horribly untalented person on American Idol, but they don’t know how horribly incompetent they are, so they just keep singing and/or talking and begging the judges to listen and insisting that they are destined to be the next American Idol. Except they’re not. They’re just horribly incompetent, untalented people who should never have been put on TV in the first place so that we wouldn’t have to sit there, feeling uncomfortable as we watch them plead for validation and relevance. They’re losers before they even walk in the room – and it’s sad.

Comments

[Elle]

BAHahahahaha! This post just made my day. Thank you.